dear molly

i want to write down all the things i just need to tell you, until my eyes close and i’m left only dreaming of them all. and in these beautiful dreams, i’ll be back there and we’ll be watching sunsets and running down the bike path and eating ice cream with forks and drinking the cheapest red wine talking shit and sex and life sitting on the picnic table in the yard under fairy lights and stars. and you’ll be making me laugh like i don’t ever laugh and life will be wonderful and fun and full.

oh how i miss you. i feel it in my everyday.

the thing i think about most is if you think about me too

well?

universally speaking

the signs will always point you, but rules are to be broken and your heart takes all the weight of the words you’ve never spoken.

be brave enough to follow and believe your biggest dreams, because your soul can’t always wait for life and in betweens.

the everything else that’s biting and gnawing and scratching at the ends of every day gone by every life lived in yesterday every hope of tomorrow that never really comes so you’ll make it what you’ll make it make it better make it count make it love and live everything you know so deeply in your beautiful wonderful heart the loveliest you know the loveliest there is so goddamned full of love.

spring sun

but that’s the exact thing, i didn’t push you away. i didn’t make mountains out of molehills and try too hard to find it. it just came, landed lightly on my heart, and breathed an air of freshness into my soul.

my knees collapsed as my heart exploded into tiny particles of happiness, into small slivers of supposed-to-be, slicing their way through memories of remembering.

it feels oh so easy.

live and let live

i hope you know what you did to me. how you moved me. how you made me feel. i’ll miss you, maybe more than i think. maybe more than i’ll ever be able to say. but much more than i expect to, i know that at least.

hawaii changed my life once more. it seems she pulls me back in, every time i leave. it’s magnetic, hypnotic, unequivocally meant for me.

you’re a part of that this time. there is nothing to overthink, the feelings are the feelings they are. so it will be what it will be and we’ll trust in how perfect that is.

until then

i leave hawaii tonight. i leave to newness. to travel, more adventures, old friends, new experiences, old memories flooding back.

there’s a nostalgia about this moment. a time where i would do anything to stay, but give everything to leave, too. the double-edged sword, the bittersweetness tickling my taste buds.

the people i leave behind, who they made me, what they taught me. why i am now who i am.

i’ll miss you. all of you.

[ninety-four]

super #adventuresundays!

climbed the haiku stairs, stairway to heaven - 2800ft, over 4000 stairs - in the dark to watch sunrise. then went skydiving just to get a little bit higher.

it seems i went to heaven twice.

oh my word

a man and a frangipani.

an angel and a sign.

gravity

i lay concrete in my arteries. 

there is a point where i feel it’s not worth it anymore. the heartache and the pain. so, maybe, i push people away. maybe when i leave a place. but wait, i know i do it. so what about all these maybes?

maybe that pushing is waiting. maybe my world needs both less and more. maybe the pushing is receiving of other things worth coming.

maybe not.

i wrote a letter i’ll never send. a letter that’s starting to feel like nothing, again. because this moment never lasts. this moment this morning this marvellousness this momentum.

this
this
this 
always ends.

because what goes up…

abracadabra

there’s a natural filter here, he said, if you don’t move with the flow, follow the pace, remove the struggle and find your place within the entirety of the fluidity, you won’t find the magic. you won’t feel the energy. you won’t find open doors to open air and open hearts, you know, they’re everywhere. 

there’s a finality to my days now. things are blossoming and things are closing, just how they should. just how i feel is right. there’s a bigger sense of being, a more enormous feeling of living, on this island soaked in salt water mystery.

the wind whips against my skin, coiling across the universe, leaving me in seconds of stillness to breathe and dream and wonder.

forever isn’t so long.

april fool

a suddenness made from rose petals and champagne - an all-too-soon mix of whiskey emotions.
shocking
and strong
and burning my heart.

it’s the first, today. i’m breathing into happiness and pain. a wonderful realisation of timing, to move on.
unlocking
and gone
and returning to start.

the last time i see you will happen so soon. or maybe it has already passed…

time will tell the depth of my secrets, they’re hidden in the sun, the moon and the stars.

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