four letters

i won’t write about love. not today. i won’t think about the person i know it will change me into. i won’t pretend i’m waiting for love to save me [and expecting it will]. today i won’t tell myself that love is why i breathe why i write why i pour myself into all the things i do and do them only ever with love. i won’t pretend it’s not why i pull myself up and out and into life, in all those moments when i’d rather pull covers over my head and think about nothing, instead.

i’ll never admit that love scares me.

i won’t apologise for being utterly in love with being in love, for falling fast, for falling for the idea of a man instead of the man himself, because maybe i’ll fall a thousand times more. if i choose to.

i won’t feel ashamed of believing it will be soulmate big.

because one day i’ll melt into the all of you when you kiss me for the first time, the second
the third time,
and every wonderful time after that.

one day when you,
my love,
walk into, change and completely beautify my life.

ladydrewniak:

NYC DAY1

linger

and so the ash falls from the memories that burn, peacefully and silently. but it becomes the ground becomes the plants and trees and all the world around me.

it becomes my feelings about life and
love and
you and
him and
them and
us
and strangers on park benches, 
and fathers pushing babies in prams through shopping centres. baristas who know your name, know the kind of milk you take. and then there are all those travellers you meet and love along the way.

in kindness and goodness and altogether loveliness, i’ll make more memories, everyday. as if it always mattered, it always does, it always will. i’ll make beautiful memories. take photos with my heart. capture conversations with my mind. flood my soul with feelings and saturate my entire being with love.

memories to ashes. so peaceful and so silent. 

"There are two people you’ll meet in your life. One will run a finger down the index of who you are and jump straight to the parts of you that peak their interest. The other will take his or her time reading through every one of your chapters and maybe fold corners of you that inspired them most. You will meet these two people; it is a given. It is the third that you’ll never see coming. That one person who not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book."

dawn dawning dawned

soon this beach will be scattered with people but for now i have it just to myself. just me some birds some flies some wind, the sand the sea some trees and shells.

what i put out i get right back, so my energy wanes and explodes maybe where it’s not supposed to. i take a step the other way and recognise that day-to-day i should find something stronger. something less of an option and prioritise the heart that needs above the heart that wants.

yesterday they all reached out. yesterday home was on my mind. yesterday i needed them and they needed me and we needed each other so we found each other, like we know we can.

it’s early it’s morning i sit by the sea watching ripples and blueness and whitewash and waves [they don’t compare to the waves i left].

and i think.

until now i’d never seen hawaii in the summertime. i’d never felt the pull of the sun so high in such a blue sky. the power the vibes the heat.

i need to change my focus.

that’s magic

there’s a restorative power buried deep in the earth on this island. it seeps through the grass into the plants and the trees, to ease the slightest feelings of uncertainty
and fear.

i felt it again, just this morning, it came rustling through as the wind in the trees while i sat in a room between the mountain and the sea, my mind tracing along the curve between yin and yang. the rain came before the sun shone and i basked in the brilliance of a bending moment. a moment that lasted longer than i’d ever dare to ask it to, that came and went so gentle and slow.

i’m back. in a home, in a place i know. and i’m looking for more as i always do. and i’m looking to settle as i never do.

i’m looking as always
i’m settling as never.

i once
was lost.

but now i find myself on the edge of a world i just started to get to know. one that seems so big when i feel so small and so small when i’m here, on this island, and i meet people who know people or know something my heart desperately needed to know.

hawaii pulls us together, brings us back and into ourselves. so just as the cycle will always continue, i will find myself on the inside of this very energy.

today.

because that’s all there is.

"because you aren’t afraid to kiss the dirt
(and consequently dare to climb the sky)"

e.e. cummings (via budddha)

(Source: thedustdancestoo, via salvacorpusamanti)

triplej:

Adelaide rapper Allday and friends cover the INXS classic ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ for Like A Version.

this is brilliant

(via rumanating)

wednesday

and it fell all over me like glittering sunlight dripping from the sky into the ocean where we lay
so blue
so clear.

and it raced through the millions of roadways and rivers and crevasses and mountains
within me
within you.

and it lay down next to me on a mattress made of memories made of yesterdays and who-knows-when’s
i’m too ready
to dream.

we were separated
by salt water
by space and air
by the centre console of his car.

but we remembered - we never were very good at keeping friends with any of that space between.

north/south/east/west

so i change and break, and move and stay and fall and fly and hurt and stumble, and i get right back up. those moments of shifting and deciding what’s right or worthy or wrong or hopeful will bring resolve to my life my path my future.

i’ll find the answers in the roots, in the arteries of the empathy and the reason for it all.

why do the pieces fall in the places they do?

well,
why do they fall at all?

i make patterns from the chaos and pictures in the litter. this life is beaming with possibilities so open, endless. infinite. i choose what i choose and i follow the lead of my heart. her beat lays braille, she’s the compass i read, wide-eyed and willingly. and the touch pulls me gently, the faintest flutter, the air in a butterfly’s wings.

she’ll pave a way through the wilderness of this wonderful, beautiful, magical world.

"My heart swings back and forth between the need for routine and the urge to run."

(note to self)

(Source: c0ntemplations, via thedapperproject)

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