"And men said that the blood of the stars flowed in her veins."

200 days

i’ve been away 
for 200 days. i’ve been gone, traveling, wandering, far from home. and i feel and sense and taste and realise the depth of all the wonderful ways i’ve grown. 

i never knew a life like this, i had only ever dreamt it. but now i see how perfect living can be, crazy, spectacular moments made of
beauty,
freedom,
magic.

but it’s all about you, it has always been you
[the places, adventure and people i choose]. 

it’s always in
magnificent things
a life made from spontaneity and saying yes and all the rest of all the beautiful, meant-to-be mess and chaos and ideas so farfetched, that just seem to work out when we push and wade through all the doubt and the struggle and the want to live the life we do, the life we’ve always wanted to.

in the 200 days that i’ve been away, i’ve found myself, my everything. it’s everyone, it’s every mountain, ocean, city street and stream. my spiritual someplace, my heart’s passionate rhythmic beating, 
my yearning for home 
for nowhere 
for everything in between.

oh these days of travelling, oh my soaring spirit, oh my soul so full and free. i’m living. i’m feeling. it’s searching and growing,
oh i am becoming exactly who i’ve always longed to be.

"Take a deep breath and realize how completely insane it is that you’re alive."

for all

where will we go from here?
what will we make of the lives we’re living?
what will we find in all the craziness of all the days we squeeze
and squeeze
and squeeze for all their worth?

seek out the happiness
and the hopefulness
and the humming of the whole of it.
find the measured moments
and crack them open,
with breaking limitations
and bending expectations.

with honesty, and a purposeful fulfilment of all our heart’s most treasured desires - that’s exactly what we need and that’s exactly all that matters. because as we close our eyes each night, we find all those things live so wildly in our dreams.

so why not make them real life? just watch, they’ll send you flying free.

Photo Awards « Yen Magazine

rumanating:

One of my photos from Nepal is listed in the Yen Magazine Travel Photo Awards for 2014. Would love if you could skip along to the link above and vote for the peoples choice award if you likey.

Love you guys.

iselle and julio

there’s something in the air. a change. an eeriness. an energy i can feel and sense and taste.

a hurricane is coming. well, two hurricanes are coming. i feel nervous, a little scared. a little worried, sure. but part of me feels like it’ll pass without a worry, in this bubble of paradise and perfection. it’s like the winds i’m feeling and hearing right now, i’ve felt and heard before. but this seems different. because we know what’s coming. we can see it: on radars and weather channels, on news reports from near and far; in the closing of businesses, the empty shelves where bottled water is usually stocked; in the eyes of people, so nervous, so over-prepared. so intensified by the emotions and paranoia of the locals and the media and the tourists. it saturates the island air. 

there is so much going on, in all the people on the island where i’ve kept my heart for the best part of this year. i can feel it. vibrating, pulsating, echoing against the walls of fear built around homes of weatherboard and plaster. on the coast, waiting for the storm. waiting for the rain. waiting for the wind and floods and chaos. waiting for the damage and the fallout and the disaster and the worst. 

well what pointless waiting that will be. 

weather the storm. it’s wild and wickedly yelling all its secrets in spurts of showers, sun and empty sky. for now. 

we wait.

thank you

and last night we all slept in one big bed and pearl was tossing and turning and her feet and legs were all over the place and i couldn’t help but laugh aloud, and i did, and so did she and so did leah and then i went silent as tears took over laugher and i wept.

i wept.

i cried in a way i’ve never cried before. i cried for how much i miss her, even as she sleeps right next to me. i cried for the amount of love i have for her. i cried for all the things i won’t be around for once i say goodbye again. i don’t want her to leave, i don’t want them to leave. i love them, so much. i miss my family. more than ever. the homesickness feels physical, emotional. i had it figured out, it was buried deep in my aching heart, but having them here has shifted all that has been hiding it from plain sight and daylight. it’s not a 3am feeling anymore, it’s 24 hours of every heat-filled day. and the heat seems only to be building in each hour and minute i’m away. i love this life, the uncertainty of my future, flying by the seat of my pants, chasing dreams and summer, the unknowingness. but i miss my biggest loves,
more than i knew,
more than i can say,
more than my quiet heart knows how to feel. 

i can’t tell you how grateful i am for you to be here.
it’s nothing, she said.
it’s everything, i said right back.

my heart breaks as i think about them leaving. i don’t know if i’m ready to miss them all over again.

"all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves."

bill hicks

"Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."

T.S. Eliot (via observando)

(via meditationsinwonderland)

hawaiian loves

oh my goodness, i want to tell you all about it!

i want to tell you how my heart raced and my breath was caught between my throat and escape. i want to tell you how intently i watched the exit, thinking everyone was them as my eyes lit up with the excitement that rushed around my body. i want to tell you the feeling that came over me when i saw them, walking out the door, nearly exactly how i remember. the loving relief of her mum, the recognition in her eyes and the cheekiness in her grin. how my heart melted with happiness. how my tears welled with gladness. how everything was just so right when she wrapped her tiny fingers around my own so big and clumsy, and walked with me, chatting, asking me questions, looking up and giggling at me. her two and a half years can’t explain how clever she is, she’s witty so wise so very wonderful, beyond her years.

pearl and her mummy on their debut overseas adventure, to visit me in hawaii. i think i just might be the luckiest girl in this world.

homesick

home hounds me in the constructs of feelings i forget even exist. home hides behind my day-to-day, behind the insignificance of the things i occupy myself with, behind things that mean so much just for what they mean. home finds me in the moments i want to disappear, and never lets me. it pulls me back to a hollowness i know exists without all the beautiful things that home represents. and i’m eternally reminded of the stifling nature that life as i knew it brought upon itself.

i caught a plane and flew faithfully on the whimsical winds of wanderlust. i left ready to find myself.
searching for something.
anything.
everything.

i ache to feel more than i know i can feel, to believe in the magic of the universe, to experience the unknown and discover comfort in moments of unease and doubt. to learn how to float when i fear i’ll drown. how to fight my way out of the space where i fatigue and fall, how to beat down barriers and push on into the light. and then there’s home, a place where nostalgia brews, a place i dream of in waves of sickness and despair. a place that will always be there. where all my loves wait so patiently for my return.

minute by minute my spirit softens and strengthens.

home will always hound me, a gentle reminder to live with kindness, grace and purpose. so i reassess from time to time and remember why i’m here. i’ve changed the focus, changed the reason. changed what i want from this. and i’m okay with that because things change and people change and relationships change and life changes every second of every day so i relax and accept what’s happening all around me at any given moment.
i run free
fly wide-eyed
into a void i know nothing about. i fill it with love love love and memories born from purity and moments of
bliss
and joy
and divinity.

"The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness."

Vladimir Nabokov, “The Perfect Past”

(via meditationsinwonderland)

(Source: invisibleforeigner, via meditationsinwonderland)

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