living, breathing, under the sun.

there was a moment today, just after we, the 80 or so yogis, inhaled as one.

'ommmmm', we chanted with our exhale, just as the wind picked up and crawled between the sun and the shade to the echo of our energy. 'whhhooooshhh', it answered, as the space between the trees where we stood came to vibrant life. the pulsating, invisible power of our collective om - the breath of the wind, the flow.

it was divinity. it was love and everything else.

out here.

i’m sitting alone, at a place i’ve never been. the absolute point of adventure sundays. and all i want to do is write.

a bird calls nearby.

there’s a sense of freedom about it. an undeniable feeling of being completely aware of everything around me. like it’s pulling me into a different frame of mind. something i didn’t know i wanted or felt or even knew i could feel until now. until this moment.

my tummy is queasy and the skin on my bare legs tingles with the burn of the sun. cooled by the wind, for a second at least. my eyes are sore and i’m horrendously tired but it’s still just me, alone. in a place i’ve never been.

thinking about everything. and thinking about nothing.

this world is so familiar.

my head in the clouds.

i walked alone.

wow.

i couldn’t really find a bit inside me to believe where i was. i had to stop and breathe and take it all in. i had to stop to find the pulse of the moment staring me right in the eye. i moved forward, onward, away from the past. i moved into the clouds. walking and running and scuffing my shoes on rocks in all directions. holding myself back as i tried, with all my strength, to stay upright, walking downhill. the steepness burning my knees.

i was watching my feet. watching each step. forgetting that i needed, i wanted, to watch the world too.

i stopped at a lookout. fog blocked my view. and when i stood still, the trees in the distance and the clouds right in front of me came zooming down both sides of my vision. a tunnel of movement, the world coming for me. pulling me in. it was so strange. surreal. intense. 

and when nothing stopped moving and i finally caught my balance, i took a breath, smiled to myself and let out a little chuckle. 

life is so wonderful.

adelaide’s autumn air.

it’s stilling. the swarm is settling to a swill of emotion and feeling that began to pour out around me. sending shivers and effortless memories away from now and into the past. so gently they fell there, and fall there, and make their mark there. so gently they leave me and come back to me and feel me watching them. so gently they are and just are.

the orange and brown and red leaves fall off the trees and float through the autumn air. all with a purpose. how do they know? and the sun, it now sets to the right of where it used to fall to sleep behind the horizon. lower and cooler and darker it’s becoming. that one star stays there though. each night it appears and each morning it fades.

i think i keep my heart in the sky.

the moon and the clouds, sunsets and rainbows, rain, sunshine, the freshest air and the dewiest dawn. the stars. their constellations. the shapes that dance in stillness.

don’t tell me what you don’t mean with all your soul. what’s the use in that? what’s the point in a life with no meaning? so don’t tell me things you don’t mean with all your soul.

want it and mean it and wish it more than anything. i’ll listen if you say it like you should. 

bring me to life in your autumn once more.

addicted to the shindig

i haven’t stopped in a while. i want to. for some time now, i’ve either been doing, planning, organising or discussing my life. and now, i’m coasting. coasting would be okay with me today if i was on the back of that tandem bicycle again, riding freely down the main street near my house in maui with tiana instructing: “pedal, pedal, pedal. aaaand coast” with lupe fiasco’s voice setting the day’s playlist in my head: kick push kick push kick push kick push and coast.

it’s a shame, island living doesn’t translate to adelaide. don’t get me wrong, i’m not looking for that anymore. no matter how much i yearn to be back there when i watch hawaii five-0 and remember that time and place. it wasn’t just maui either. it was who i was then. what i had to think about. the frame of mind i was in. the things awaiting my return. all those things seem to be lost. and it all surfaces when i see the scenery. and i remember. it’s physical, the feeling. it’s something i could do without.

the flow has changed. it feels like i’m drowning in rapids, in slow motion, drifting towards a waterfall. a big one. all i need is a raft, a paddle and a map so i can steer myself in the right direction. it’s overwhelming. i’m so lost. and i’m tired of talking about it. it will happen or it won’t. or it will happen soon or it will happen not so soon. for now, i’ll try my best to just stop thinking.

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