dear molly

i want to write down all the things i just need to tell you, until my eyes close and i’m left only dreaming of them all. and in these beautiful dreams, i’ll be back there and we’ll be watching sunsets and running down the bike path and eating ice cream with forks and drinking the cheapest red wine talking shit and sex and life sitting on the picnic table in the yard under fairy lights and stars. and you’ll be making me laugh like i don’t ever laugh and life will be wonderful and fun and full.

oh how i miss you. i feel it in my everyday.

live and let live

i hope you know what you did to me. how you moved me. how you made me feel. i’ll miss you, maybe more than i think. maybe more than i’ll ever be able to say. but much more than i expect to, i know that at least.

hawaii changed my life once more. it seems she pulls me back in, every time i leave. it’s magnetic, hypnotic, unequivocally meant for me.

you’re a part of that this time. there is nothing to overthink, the feelings are the feelings they are. so it will be what it will be and we’ll trust in how perfect that is.

until then

i leave hawaii tonight. i leave to newness. to travel, more adventures, old friends, new experiences, old memories flooding back.

there’s a nostalgia about this moment. a time where i would do anything to stay, but give everything to leave, too. the double-edged sword, the bittersweetness tickling my taste buds.

the people i leave behind, who they made me, what they taught me. why i am now who i am.

i’ll miss you. all of you.

[ninety-four]

super #adventuresundays!

climbed the haiku stairs, stairway to heaven - 2800ft, over 4000 stairs - in the dark to watch sunrise. then went skydiving just to get a little bit higher.

it seems i went to heaven twice.

abracadabra

there’s a natural filter here, he said, if you don’t move with the flow, follow the pace, remove the struggle and find your place within the entirety of the fluidity, you won’t find the magic. you won’t feel the energy. you won’t find open doors to open air and open hearts, you know, they’re everywhere. 

there’s a finality to my days now. things are blossoming and things are closing, just how they should. just how i feel is right. there’s a bigger sense of being, a more enormous feeling of living, on this island soaked in salt water mystery.

the wind whips against my skin, coiling across the universe, leaving me in seconds of stillness to breathe and dream and wonder.

forever isn’t so long.

speaking truths

wishes always come true. i told her. just wish on your heart.

[oh, my heart,
my wishes.]

i watch the bluest sky that meets the bluest sea, blue stretching forever it seems. oh my heart, my wishes. i know life is loving me, so gently, i’m so free.

[maybe,
i need to leave this island.]

my heart is getting too heavy
with a thousand wishes i never wanted to make.

25 [part two]

two months have passed in paradise.

two months…

it feels like two hours and two years at the same time. i have done so much, created incredible connections with incredible people. i have fallen in love with everything and everyone and every experience. and i’ve done it all in record time.

i’ve changed.

i’m happy. 

i’m learning, figuring out who i am, who i want to be, and what i want from this glorious adventure, this insane year.

this
wonderful,
momentous time
of my
wonderful,
momentous life. 

my world has become a flower blossoming with opportunity - so apt for the springtime, so perfect for all the tomorrows and next years and forever and evers. 

so i’m making promises, not plans. finding joy, excitement, passion. feeling, with every sense, this world i wake in and fall asleep in - every day and night.

happiness fills my veins and pumps my heart so open to love and light.

25 [part one]

it’s 4.16am and the roosters are crowing.

i can only guess they’re singing happy birthday to me.

i

i wriggle my toes into the sand. into the earth. into this island.

i stare at the ocean. the waves. their energy, continuity, fluidity. this magical place, bringing me home. talking me into living. speaking to my heart.

i hear all its wonderful sounds - the curl of the waves into wet sand, the silence that follows. the flittering leaves of the palm trees nearby, the wind against my ear as i turn my head so slightly.

i scratch at day-old mosquito bites.

i watch a surfer emerge safely onto shore, make the sign of the cross and look to the sky.

i take a photo for a couple, two beautiful men from england. they thank me for what appears to be the most generous offer they’ve ever received. no worries, i say, surprised at their graciousness.

i watch it all float by.

within me

today filled my spirit with a love i’ve never known. today filled my body with an energy born of selflessness, patience and kindness. as i breathed deeply into every corner of my soul, i found love. with every word i ate, as i removed every doubt. with every sign and every direction i was pointed in. whichever way i went, i found love.

it’s hiding, it’s seeping. it’s taking me over.

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