like you mean it

i still think about you. i still feel the corners of my lips react to the pretty memories i keep. so close. they fit in between the everything else. they bulge and take up the space of all the rest.

but
they are the everything else, they are all the rest. they made me and they changed me.

a good goodbye - no promise - but a flickering feeling so very deep down that sways and motions to the symphony that plays all day and night through the thickness and thinness, through the veins, on every beat of this tick, tick, ticking heart.

the thing i think about most is if you think about me too

well?

universally speaking

the signs will always point you, but rules are to be broken and your heart takes all the weight of the words you’ve never spoken.

be brave enough to follow and believe your biggest dreams, because your soul can’t always wait for life and in betweens.

the everything else that’s biting and gnawing and scratching at the ends of every day gone by every life lived in yesterday every hope of tomorrow that never really comes so you’ll make it what you’ll make it make it better make it count make it love and live everything you know so deeply in your beautiful wonderful heart the loveliest you know the loveliest there is so goddamned full of love.

live and let live

i hope you know what you did to me. how you moved me. how you made me feel. i’ll miss you, maybe more than i think. maybe more than i’ll ever be able to say. but much more than i expect to, i know that at least.

hawaii changed my life once more. it seems she pulls me back in, every time i leave. it’s magnetic, hypnotic, unequivocally meant for me.

you’re a part of that this time. there is nothing to overthink, the feelings are the feelings they are. so it will be what it will be and we’ll trust in how perfect that is.

[ninety-four]

super #adventuresundays!

climbed the haiku stairs, stairway to heaven - 2800ft, over 4000 stairs - in the dark to watch sunrise. then went skydiving just to get a little bit higher.

it seems i went to heaven twice.

oh my word

a man and a frangipani.

an angel and a sign.

gravity

i lay concrete in my arteries. 

there is a point where i feel it’s not worth it anymore. the heartache and the pain. so, maybe, i push people away. maybe when i leave a place. but wait, i know i do it. so what about all these maybes?

maybe that pushing is waiting. maybe my world needs both less and more. maybe the pushing is receiving of other things worth coming.

maybe not.

i wrote a letter i’ll never send. a letter that’s starting to feel like nothing, again. because this moment never lasts. this moment this morning this marvellousness this momentum.

this
this
this 
always ends.

because what goes up…

abracadabra

there’s a natural filter here, he said, if you don’t move with the flow, follow the pace, remove the struggle and find your place within the entirety of the fluidity, you won’t find the magic. you won’t feel the energy. you won’t find open doors to open air and open hearts, you know, they’re everywhere. 

there’s a finality to my days now. things are blossoming and things are closing, just how they should. just how i feel is right. there’s a bigger sense of being, a more enormous feeling of living, on this island soaked in salt water mystery.

the wind whips against my skin, coiling across the universe, leaving me in seconds of stillness to breathe and dream and wonder.

forever isn’t so long.

not now

because it always turns to love, it always becomes about pushing through that weariness in my heart.

my little, beaten heart, it will never give up.

when the breath has gone, when my arms are so tired from fighting, when my eyes are sore and my muscles limp from chasing, from longing, from wanting.

my big, bleeding heart, still it will never give up.

so make me wonder, make me question, make me wrestle with my head.

until the day i die.

my enormous, beating heart, will never, never give up.

speaking truths

wishes always come true. i told her. just wish on your heart.

[oh, my heart,
my wishes.]

i watch the bluest sky that meets the bluest sea, blue stretching forever it seems. oh my heart, my wishes. i know life is loving me, so gently, i’m so free.

[maybe,
i need to leave this island.]

my heart is getting too heavy
with a thousand wishes i never wanted to make.

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